| Ah. |
[06 Jan 2009|04:25pm] |
Man, working at Tapex on campus is incredibly tiring. So. Many. People. There is an endless line...no breaks...just continuous drink-making. I don't even want to work there anymore because of the low pay! ><
But at least I'm never bored, since I'm always so busy. Three hours passed by without me even noticing it. Today seemed to have passed by in a blink of an eye. I don't like my schedule to be filled up like that though. It makes me sad to be too busy because I feel like life is passing without giving me time to enjoy it. I really think I need to organize my schedule out. Or at least try to become less stressful.
I wonder if I'm living my life the way God wants me to. I wonder if I'm making the right decisions. I really wanted to focus on studying this quarter because I felt that my duty in college was to get an education. Yet... I don't feel like I have enough time to study. Maybe I just need to adjust myself to the loss of time that comes from working. Working for 3-4 hours today means that I don't have those 3-4 hours to watch tv, or goof off, or whatever. This idea makes me sad. XP
Whatever.
I will work hard and pray that things will work out! :) What can I lose anyway?
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[05 Jan 2009|11:09pm] |
I've become pessimistic lately because I've been assuming the worse in things. Maybe it's due to things not going right.. so I just don't think that this part will go right, either.
I've been looking for a part time job all of fall quarter, but I kept getting turned down. I understood the reasons for them, though, but to get turned down after so many attempts is really discouraging. I still haven't got a reply from even Canyon Vista (a dining hall) when I turned in the resume a few days before winter break began.
I've received the opportunity to work at Tapioca Express, but apparently, my schedule during winter break was not free enough for me to receive training on campus... so my ability to work has been questioned. The owner is also really busy, so she hasn't had the time to really try to schedule me in or keep me updated on the availability of the position. She didn't even call me when she told me she would. I began to wonder if maybe she didn't want me to work there because there were enough employees, and she was trying to quietly let me know that I was not going to get the job. I felt really sad and a bit of turmoil on the inside. Uncertainty causes anxiety... so I e-mailed her, asking her if I should still go in. I was quite surprised that she e-mailed me two minutes later. :) And it seems like she is really considering me working! I feel satisfied. I hope things go well.
I know what I really need to do is to give up everything to God, to know he will provide. There could've been reasons that I couldn't get a job, and no matter what, I need to praise God because he has blessed me. But it's difficult. I can't help but feel scared and continue being pessimistic. I came into school, this school-year, thinking that getting a job would be very simple. It wasn't, so I just don't want to fail in this one oppotunity that I was given. I have to remember, though, there are always other things I can do. I can always volunteer, or I can always just study more. I can spend more time developing hobbies. I can enrich my time with other things besides watching TV or going on the Internet.
I really want to love and appreciate this gift of life that God has given me. Even though life in heaven is for eternity, life on Earth is not only a test, but also a gift. Most importantly, I need to love God.
I need to focus on that. Love. God.
Then I won't feel anxious and be pessimistic. :)
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[03 Jan 2009|10:31pm] |
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ah...
i dont really like writing about my daily life. :P
today, i saw chang for the first time in almost a year, and i have to admit, i missed her so much! she's so quirky and weird, and we get along so well. :) she's very accepting of me, so even if i tease her aggressively, all she does is hit me. ah... realizing that i dont see her very often makes me wish i did go to berkeley. but well... i guess i'll just have to call her up occasionally, really. i haven't called her at all.
also, packing seems like a very formidable task... but it was actually fairly easy. well, not easy... but much easier than what i imagined. man, i have too much stuff. :P
i can't wait to start working. i realize that i'm a very anxious person. right now, i feel anxious about meeting the owner of tapex to talk about scheduling and what-not, and i'm already afraid of messing up! i haven't even started working yet. i am strange.
i think i have an anxiety problem.
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| Christmas Shopping |
[28 Nov 2008|12:58am] |
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mood |
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 content |
] |
I have to admit, Christmas shopping online is AMAZING..especially when you don't have a car. Thank goodness for holiday free shipping. :) i just feel sad about spending so much money... i really need to get a job. i feel guilty when i spend a lot of my parents money. T-T ahhh... but it seems no one at ucsd will hire me. hopefully the dining halls will hire me. ack.
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| Bitchiness? |
[24 Nov 2008|11:59am] |
Am I a bitch? Because sometimes, my friends just make me feel like a bitch, and I don' t know what to do about it. It's not a good feeling to think that your friends think of you as a bitch... almost up to the point that I don't want to be friends with these people anymore. I know, I know. I have to talk to them because how will I really know what they feel if I don't? But it seems that whenever I bring up something like this, it just makes me seem more like a bitch.
If that's how it is, maybe I should look for more friends who will appreciate me. At least I do have a few who really do accept my personality. Or maybe should I just downtone my personality? I don't know. I miss being home. Funny thing is, I never had these sort of issues at home. Maybe my issue is with one person only. One person who makes me feel like a fuckin bitch because he's such a fuckin crybaby who can't seem to solve his own problems.
Grow some balls, man.
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| Halloween |
[01 Nov 2008|04:48pm] |
This Halloween was fun. I guess it's because I haven't seriously tried to dress up in so many years. :P But man... I love my Batman Build-A-Bear. It's name is Giggles, though, so I think my bear is more appropriate as the Joker than I am. :)
It's nice to hang out with friends.
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| Bah |
[24 Oct 2008|11:11am] |
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I take back everything I typed out earlier. It seems that when I get irritated, I hate the world. :P
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[23 Oct 2008|08:40pm] |
i realized that one of my bad points is that i'm too competitive. if someone i believe doesn't deserve to do better than me, yet does do better... man, i hold a grudge for a while. especially if they're a complete slacker. pisses the hell out of me. and they act like "oh, i'm so great" instead of "oh, i'm so thankful that i was so lucky." man, i want to beat them.
HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE. lol.
and i just told him today that i didn't hold a grudge anymore, and he's like "you hated me? whaaaaat?"
ahhhhh. mostly, i'm just mad at him for being such a slacker. i believe that people should appreciate their education at college, not be like "oh, i dont care about my grades. oh, i dont want to go to class. waah, i have a midterm tomorrow. i'm so sleepy."
bitch, grow a freaking backbone, and actually try hard. mofo.
yeah, i really hate slackers.
but jing, you're supposed to love everyone...
pah. i need to work on that.
i'll just hang out with some other people for a while then. >:P
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| You learn something new Every Day |
[20 Oct 2008|05:41pm] |
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Today I learned that I'm not really good at chemistry. I should go to chemistry lectures and review sessions. :P
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| Breaking |
[14 Oct 2008|10:55pm] |
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Okay, so far, for the past few days, I've been practicing bgirling, and I must say, I suck. I think I need more confidence in my moves. I can't seem to just dance in front of other people I don't know. argh. And it really bothers me because I worry that I look bad, but in worrying, I do end up looking bad. AND I doubt anyone there actually judges me. I really wish I knew how to connect to the bboy club. :( They seem really friendly and funny, but I just don't know what to say, and I just end up sitting there, in awkwardness... just watching them practice.
and I know that I look bad just sitting there.
I know what it feels like to look at other people not trying, and it's a frustrating feeling, since you know that they can do so much more. aH. T-T
Quitting just seems so easy.
But I feel like God wants me to bgirl.
I want to get to know the people in the club.
But I just don't know how to get rid of this awkwardness. Everyone is so nice! I'm just the one who is awkward and useless. Maybe I should practice by myself a couple of times to give myself confidence?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I FREAKING WISH ONE OF MY FRIENDS WOULD LEARN WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! preferably a guy, since one reason I feel so awkward is that almost all of the club members that go to practice consistently are guys. I need to learn how to dance like no one is watching. :((((((((((((((((((((((
Please pray for me. I know it's something that seems a bit frivolous, but I really feel it's important. Thanks.
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| Hot Male Celebrities who are Korean |
[19 Jul 2008|05:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 chipper |
] |
So in response to Steven's post about anime women, I will make a post on hot Korean celebrites. I hope this will be enlightening.
I really like how Korean male celebrities dress up a lot and do their hair nicely. However, if I was to meet a guy who was as extravagant looking as a celebrity, I would probably think he's gay. I don't know. I guess it would depend on his personality. I can't imagine a guy who would spend hours dressing up and doing his hair to talk about anything other than clothes and hair. But maybe I am stereotyping. :P Anyway, I would forgive the celebrities for this because they have their own stylists. I think most of the celebrities walk around in normal clothes most of the day. :D But those are just my thoughts because I never met one before. ><
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| >>>>-_-<<<< |
[19 Jul 2008|04:47pm] |
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mood |
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 distressed |
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Just today, I sort of realized how fortunate I am that my parents are willing to pay all of my college tuition. A boy knocked on my door today, and he asked me if I could buy a subscription to Mercury News that lasts only for 45 days. He says that if I buy the subscription, he can receive scholarship money. He seemed so timid and nervous when he explained the process to me, and I just felt so sorry for him; he does not seem like he's used to going around door to door, selling subscriptions. And he was really desperate for me to buy the subscription. He wouldn't stop talking, saying how he'll be the one to send the newspapers at 4:30AM, and if I don't pick them up, he'll recycle them, and that he'll leave his phone number in case there are any problems. It really made me sort of sad.
So I bought the subscription, even though my dad said no.
And now, I just feel a little bit worried. I wonder if I'll be home to cancel the subscription (since I'll be in China), and I wonder if my dad will get mad at me if he has to cancel the subscription for me. Not only that, but I realized that I'll be receiving the newspapers when I'll be in China, so the whole point of getting newspapers... is pointless. ahahah. Oh well. I shouldn't worry. Things will work out. At least I didn't give out my credit card information, so the newspaper company can't automatically charge me money. Cash is the way to go.
I just tend to worry over new experiences.
Ah...
And this kid just made me realize that I should make better use of my time than just watching tv all day. :T
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[15 Jul 2008|01:26pm] |
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mood |
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 groggy |
] |
i have an incredible fear of being alone. like completely alone. no internet, no radio, no tv, no one around me.
but that is how i'm supposed to spend my time with god, sometimes.
alone.
yet, i have so much trouble doing that. i do lack trust.
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| WoW is FUN |
[12 Jul 2008|02:15am] |
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mood |
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happy |
] |
okay. i have to admit. shane was right. WoW is so much better when you play with other people. there's just something fun about running around with complete strangers, killing really big monsters - sometimes more than once. :D i was always scared about being a group. i guess i was afraid that they would all think im a n00b and hate me. but my group wasn't like that at all. they were completely friendly, and when i made a mistake by not activating a quest, they didn't mind killing the big guy again. :) we made a lot of mistakes in our quests, but everyone was just really chill and patient. no one said anything mean. we asked for help when we needed it, and everyone was just so helpful. man, it was a lot of fun, and im sort of sad that our group isn't one anymore. if only we were all in the same guild... but then... none of us are in the same guild. lol. i guess if i do find a guild, that might be good. i hope my group will still keep in contact with each other. :T i did add them as friends.
but yeah. shane, you were right. now, im gonna go do all my group quests and get me some <more> blue gear. maybe i'll even do a dungeon...
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[10 Jul 2008|11:25pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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the weather seems to be cooling down a bit. :)
i wish my house had air conditioning. :P either that or a pool. but w/e.
im excited about life again. praise god.
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[09 Jul 2008|12:19pm] |
What was I doing 10 years ago?
What grade was I in when I was 9 years old? Oh well. I was in elementary school and my days seem to all mesh together back then. Elementary school was pretty awesome, but since I was 9, i think I was in my first elementary school in Richardson before I moved to Plano. I used to play tag a lot, and I had been the fastest girl in my class. I had a crush on this one Asian guy, and funny thing is, he turned out to be the childhood friend of one of my friends in middle school. She showed me a picture with a bunch of people, and I recognized him. LOL. It was interesting. :) She asked him about me and he said that he only remembers this Asian girl with glasses. My best friends were Jasmine and Aurora. I wonder if they still remember me. When I moved, I told them that I would keep in touch, but I never did. It's my fault because they would have no idea how to keep in touch in me. In our playground, there are these massive cylinder- like things we could climb onto. We would either hide inside it and just talk, or climb on top of it and talk. :) Man, I miss elementary school. I wish I could find a way to meet up with my old friends. I wonder how they have changed.
What are 5 things on my to-do list for today?
1. Go to dance class for 3 hours
2. Work on my paper for archaeology class and write in the discussion board.
3. Go to the library
4. Call Kexin
5. Read the Bible
Snacks that I enjoy. . .
Jasmine milk tea with pearls, chips, peaches (because it's like the only fruit my mom buys), French fries, Dr. Pepper soda, Grilled cheese sandwiches, Yan yan crackers... I'm not much of a snacker because my parents don't buy me snacks unless I asked for them specifically.
Things I would do if I were a billionaire:
Buy a house for my parents, put aside some money for college, either give to charity or start up my own charity, and invest the rest.
Places I have lived:
Texas: Richardson (near Dallas), Plano
California: Fremont, San Diego (because I go to school there now)
Jobs I have had:
Great Mall: I worked in this really shady toy store that I forgot the name of. It sort of sucked because I had to work really hard for very little pay. I felt really sad for one of my coworkers. He was this really cool guy from Germany, and he was sort of helping my boss out by working for him, but he really didn't get much from the job. I also met a girl named Tamina from my job who is the freaking NICEST person in the world! OMG. I love her. But I never kept in contact. :( I hope I'll see her around if I walk around the Great Mall.
Great Mall, Vitamin World: I worked there for like 4-5 months when I turned 18 (because you have to be at least 18 to work there). My manager liked me because she's my neighbor, and I really like all my coworkers. They were really cool and we would always talk about stuff - like personal things. :)
Great Mall, my mom: So my mom opened a cart-thing that sells jewelry, and I was forced to work for her. I started working for her the summer before senior year started. Working there was pretty boring because there wasn't much to do. It was only fun when I actually sold something. And I never actually got paid. My parents would give me money if I'm like "Can I have money to go to ..." but they never actually paid me a salary. LOL. Oh well, not like they actually made money, and I got a whole lot of free jewelry loot, anyway. :D
So considering how the only places I've worked at were at the Great Mall, I hate the Great Mall. I really hate it. :P
I tag:
Shane Hao
Howard Kuo
Steven Yuan (if he even ends up seeing this)
Grace Jiras (if she ends up seeing this, too) XD
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| Breaking is the Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitz |
[01 Jul 2008|01:03am] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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I'm so annoyed over how much I suck at breaking. AHHHHHHH! Okay, well, I know the reason is because I don't practice and I have terrible upper body strength, and I still need to learn the actual footwork that don't require hands.....but I still feel frustrated. :( I just wish I had an empty dance room where I could practice. Or at least a dance room containing people I feel comfortable with. In this respect, I miss SD. I sort of want to as my dance instructor how to break, but I don't really know what I want to learn. I just want to learn EVERYTHING.
And I realized that I don't love breaking because I think it looks cool. I think it's BEAUTIFUL. like a freakin piece of artwork. Sometimes, I like it so much I want to cry at its beauty. And it's something I really have an interest in learning. After trying out both popping and locking, I figured that both look freaking cool, but I don't have much interest in learning either extensively; well, popping can be used for everything... so I guess I would learn it nonetheless... I just don't have the same passion for those as I do for breaking. >< Ah. I wish I had a friend who is amazing at breaking and would be willing to teach me. :< And a friend in Fremont, I mean.
Either that or I wish I had a friend who is willing to learn with me and is willing to practice with me every day. *sigh*
T-T
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[27 Jun 2008|05:50pm] |
i want to go shopping. so bad. but i dont want to spend my parents' money. :< it's hard to spend their money when im actually living with them. it was easier when i was in college. then it felt like some unknown source were paying for everything. lol.
maybe i will buy a simple cotton dress. these days are getting hot and i would like to buy some nice things to wear to china besides just t-shirts and jeans.
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| yeck |
[27 Jun 2008|05:35pm] |
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mood |
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excited |
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so... i think a long time ago, i either made a post about manga or anime saying how empty i felt after finishing the manga/anime. well, i also feel the same towards drama. maybe i just end up to emotionally attached to it since i end up watching all of it at once, not giving myself any breaks. i finished "my name is kim sam soon" just now; i finished 16 hours of korean drama in 2 days... i pretty much didnt do anything in between. and it frustrates me that the drama is over. ahhh! i just feel so sad when this emotional rollercoaster is over.
i dont know why i watched a drama. it just makes me feel depressed and tired. but it's a bittersweet feeling because my heart hurts so much for the characters... lol. i really dont have a life. ><
well, i feel better after typing this out. i dont think im going to watch drama in a while. it's too draining. and i still need to get started on that summer school homework that is due tonight. o_O i cant get over procrastinating.
ahh. so much to do in such a short summer!
i want to :
read NT
learn how to play the guitar - even though i would really rather play the piano... ahh.. i want to so much that i want to stab myself. with something blunt. i think piano >>>>>> guitar. ok.
draw things for friends - i told steven that i will make him a comic book
practice the violin
learn more on breaking
practice japanese. and dude, it would be so amazing if i can learn some simple korean.
but i procrastinate on these too. ><
darn korean entertainment is just too impressive.
i have 6 weeks to accomplish my goals before CHINA. woot! im really thankful that i agreed to go to china when i didnt feel like it some months ago.
and my mom tells me that it's good she bought my ticket earlier. due to high gas prices, airplane tickets skyrocketed. o_O yay me.
if only i can work. then i can make some money. :P
and yay! japan over winter break. hopefully.
AHHH i want to play the piano.
typing out my plans really encourage me to start on what i need to do. :) i should make schedules and lists for myself more often.
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| korean dramas??? |
[26 Jun 2008|07:53pm] |
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mood |
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 sad |
] |
i don't really like dramas all the much. in the beginning (for the first 4 episodes), they are usually pretty addicting, but i can never actually finish watching one. i get bored with it and i just stop. but man. "my name is kim sam soon" is so SWEET. im totally addicted to it, and i want to finish it through. it's so well written... and the scenes just make a lot of sense. i also like the character developments. there is really no person that the viewer can actually hate. all of the characters have their own problems, even if the problems are because of each other; i.e. the viewer would feel really sorry for the male lead's ex girlfriend even though the viewer may want him to get together with the sam soon. the viewer feels so much pity for the ex girlfriend that the viewer may actually want the male lead and the ex-gf to get back together. >< ah... it's so sweet of a drama. and it makes me want to go to a cake shop and each cake and drink coffee. how come there arent shops like that in the u.s. but they have them in asia?
the drama also makes me want to marry a nice rich man. lol. the drama is hilarious and hyun bin is incredibly good-looking. o_O
i just feel like crying every few minutes when i watch this drama.
i have to admit though. it's pretty funny how all dramas are based on love, and how hard humans try to find love, yet the only love we really need is from God. God can give us this love that we thirst for.
i was thinking about how nice it would be to fall in love like in the drama, but then i began to wonder why i wanted to fall in love. and i realized that i always disregard God's love. :P
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